


are you in love?

by uwua3



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Heartbreak, Loneliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:55:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29676645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uwua3/pseuds/uwua3
Summary: it’s selfish, he knows that, but kazunari doesn’t know who he is out of love
Kudos: 3





	are you in love?

**Author's Note:**

> tw warnings ♡ alcohol, depression, desperation, insecurity, mental illness (depression), toxic relationships
> 
> date written ♡ 06/24/20 
> 
> music ♡ still with you — bts (jungkook)

Are you in love?

Always, Kazunari would respond. There was never a moment where his heart wasn’t tattooed with another unworthy name, the letters inked with the flower petals he’d grow in his lungs, hopelessly pining after someone he knew would never be with him. Kazunari fell in love with those he knew were unattainable in a way he couldn’t help but long for. They would never love him back in this lifetime, he knew that, but he couldn’t help it! He was in love, wasn’t that enough?

Kazunari had his heart on his sleeve for anyone to take and break anytime they pleased. All it took was a single compliment, maybe a meaningless romantic gesture as well, and Kazunari was yours. A smile for him made his heart flutter. His heart’s angel wings beat against his ribcage and feathers fell to the ground. A lingering hug made the butterflies crash around his caged stomach. His energy felt like a sugar rush from how sweet love was. A text, a conversation, a casual meet up, a stare, anything was capable of having Kazunari daydream about you for weeks on end. His potential soulmate, someone he was fated to love!

Everyone had a soulmate, Kazunari believed wholeheartedly. To think that a person was born into this world with a red string looped around their future’s pinky. Or whenever you walked past them for the first time, a bell rung inside each of your heads and caused you to look back. Kazunari believed in almost every soulmate myth, brushing his hands over his features after learning his face was supposed to resemble the person he loved the most in his last lifetime. He loved himself in that moment, but it’s one of the few he doesn’t particularly care for.

Kazunari also liked dotting his i’s with minature hearts, practiced cursive just like all those romance classics advised him to. Signed every single letter of his with the complimentary closing, “Love, Kazunari”, knowing he meant it every single time. Kissed each envelope even if he wasn’t wearing bright red lipstick just to imagine their fingers passing over the faint shape of his lips. It was the feeling of knowing he was in love and his purpose was to love endlessly, it was the role he was born to play.

This meant Kazunari was in love with _everyone_. Anyone could steal his heart and sign their name like it was a yearbook, anyone could occupy his mind all the time and make him fantasize about a wonderful future together. It was all he knew; Kazunari only knew how to love, love, love. He was born to love as much as possible, that was his purpose.

It was the feeling—the feeling that he was meant for _something_. That Kazunari was born to love, to be made of love, to give love and never receive. Kazunari had never been out of love, he was constantly hitting himself with cupid’s arrow and gaining another forced scar in the process. To write all those heartfelt foolish love letters no one read, to create the most perfect playlist curated with songs that represented who they were at their best, to doodle their name with hearts all around it with a lovesick smile, wasn’t that love?

Why wasn’t it enough?

Why didn’t anyone love him back? Where was his soulmate? Was he really, unlovable? Kazunari always had lovey dovey smile on his face, the split image of another Valentine’s Day. Did they not like the romance that came with him saying “I love you” too soon? What was wrong with wanting to fake date just for a little bit; nothing could go wrong from that! Why did platonically holding hands and random, intimate skin contact suddenly become inappropiate and “too much”? Kazunari did everything right to be the best boyfriend possible, the type you’d post on social media about how he would do anything for you. But, when it came down to it, maybe it was him. Maybe, he was the problem.

Could no one ever truly love him? Did he not have a soulmate, was he destined to be loveless? Kazunari was in love with everybody but himself, and that was his crucial downfall. He’d let anyone who pretended to be nice to him do anything they wanted, use him senseless until he was nothing but a shell. He would gladly hurt himself in the process as long as you knew he loved you with his whole heart, everything he did came from his need to love. It all connected to love, it was the root of all his problems, having such a big heart that had enough space to take anyone in.

Relationships were everything to him, Kazunari couldn’t stay single for long before someone took advantage of his relentless charm and obvious desperation. Although they never lasted long or sometimes never even happened after being led on, Kazunari documented each one in his diary every night. Most times, he would gush about how romantic the date was and his feelings of being a lovesick puppy. Other times, he’d find his words smudged with the uncontrollable sobs he’d try to hold in as he struggled to write prettily on the creased paper. Kazunari would deny that he’s never had a happy, healthy relationship in his life, but it was the truth he couldn’t see with his rose vision.

After all, all red flags look like regular flags when you’re wearing pink heart–shaped rose–tinted glasses!

Kazunari closed the door behind him softly, hitting his head against the surface with a thud as he slid down, landing on the ground with a tired sigh. Another unfortunately unsuccessful break–up; at least it was in person this time, and not over DMs like always. His pink blazer and heart–printed vest suddenly felt extremely tight, as he ran his hand through his hair only to knock over the heart–shaped sunglasses upon his head.

The room was dark, it was late, he supposed. He couldn’t remember who he kissed that night after relying on alcohol to make him feel alive, he barely registered their invasive grip on him or the empty promises and manipulative lies. At least he had enough sense in him to go home, to avoid anything that would make the wound of his last love even worse. Kazunari blinked away the tears as he pulled out his phone, scrolling through previous texts with a sad smile. All he could see were stickers he spammed, and their one–word responses if he was lucky.

Of course it was him who did everything, again. Kazunari pushed himself up, wobbling on his feet as he unsteadily made way to his desk. His clumsy hands tipped over cups of art supplies, cursing underneath his breath as his blurry vision tried to find what he was looking for. Got it! Kazunari scraped his chair against the floor as he fell onto his seat loudly, pulling his lamp string to cast a yellow haze over the diary. Another one for the records, Kazunari hurriedly spilled his heart onto the pages as he relived his most recent break–up.

It wouldn’t be long before he found himself on those dating apps again, flirting away effortlessly and becoming the ideal type he knew the other person was attracted to. He’d take selfies that made him look perfect, filter and FaceTune alike. Updated his socials with a “new me!” attitude to gain more attention. Someone would catch his heart again and Kazunari would crush over them with every heart emoji ever. It was a habit he couldn’t handle anymore, it was out of his control.

It sounded wrong, Kazunari knew that, but he didn’t feel real if he wasn’t in love. Kazunari didn’t know who he was outside of the love he had for others, and as he swiped right for anyone, he didn’t want to find out.

Are you in love?

Kazunari caught himself in the mirror the next day, staring at his blank reflection as he looked away witn an indescribable expression.

Yes, just not with himself.

**Author's Note:**

> i chose kazunari for this because of his one true purpose of being a people–pleaser. i relate to kazunari in the sense he doesn’t feel valid unless he’s loved and needed by friends, so this is my interpretation of his perception on love. please know, i love you so much. you are loved by this author and you are valued, noticed, and seen. i love you, please do not feel alone, i believe in you! i am here for you anytime, my messages are always open ♡ 
> 
> thank you for reading! i love you!! — bunnie 💗🐰 ♡ (go to my tumblr for more writings @uwua3)


End file.
